The child does not want to get up in the morning
Women practice only persuasion and, to the last, avoid formulating a clear and precise requirement. Even if she dictate the text of the demand, only unhappy eyes can be seen in response, followed by a refusal: “No, I can’t say that!” Once, in the company of young mothers, I asked to play a situation when my daughter did not get up in the morning, and specifically asked to speak with her harder, demanding … Here is a recording of a conversation where one mother played her daughter and the other raised her:- How hard it is to wake up in the morning, how hard it is! Well, I’d sleep for at least 10 more minutes!
– Lena, rise!
– Well, another 5 minutes! Let’s count to five and I’ll get up.
– Rise! The handle rises, the leg rises.
– It’s so cool here … No legs, I’m already cold … I’ll hide again now, and then I will get up.
– Very cool. I’ll hide again and then get up.
– Lena, get up! I’m leaving, I don’t want to listen. Let’s get up quickly.
“There are a few more minutes.”
– No time.
“I count to ten, then I get up.”
Then I interrupted this altercation: this style of conversation was ineffective, could go on indefinitely, did not give a result. Mom seemed to be trying to speak rudely, she played almost a peasant, and all the same, persuasions and persuasions were heard in her voice. I proposed my option, without persuasion. It sounded like this:
“Lena, will you get up yourself, or will I help you?”
“No, I’ll be packing myself.”
– So, I count to three, and then I will help. It’s just time to get up. Time…
That’s it, the question has been resolved, Lena will rise. But if she thinks that’s all and everything’s cheap, she’s mistaken. In fact, the conversation will continue … What about? Yes, that Lena did not get up herself and even resisted the requirements of her parents. Therefore, another conversation will take place in the evening – this:
– Lena, tell me, what did we have with getting up today?
“I had a very good dream.” So bright, beautiful …
“I’m not asking you this.” You yourself did not get up, and I had to use violence directly to my beloved daughter.
– It’s very difficult, very cold.
“I understand correctly that you are offering me to continue to raise you like that, and will I solve this issue for you?”
– It’s hard for me to say so far. But probably – yes, it will.
– Have to. Did you decide for me? And you are helpless. Have you really decided that you are helpless and decided to rely on daddy’s decision because of this feature? Daughter, are you smart? Do you really need this?
– Yes, I’m smart.
– Clever. Then you have 5 minutes to consult with your mother what to do so that you get up on your own, or after 5 minutes I will tell you about your future fate …
Instead of persuading use persuasive requests. And if the requests do not work out where the person is obliged to hear you, proceed to the power methods of resolving the issue.
J .: We have a problem – getting up to school. He lies like a corpse, well, at least kill him.
N.I. Kozlov: Let’s throw various considerations now, and you tell me what will happen. Start over. Do you have a child accustomed to obey you?
J .: Mostly, yes. In addition to lifting.
N.I. Kozlov: Very good, because it is important. You ask him: “I want to talk about your difficult lifts in the morning. Every day, pulling you out of bed is a superfluous and not joyful job for me; raising you up is your job. I agree? What do you think needs to be done so that you get up easily? ”
J .: I asked him such a question. He replied: “It is necessary that you set a good alarm clock for me and not come to me.” I bought an electronic alarm clock, he set it himself, and even got up for three days normally. On the fourth day – the same thing: the alarm clock is playing – he is sleeping.
N.I. Kozlov: Regarding the alarm, it would be more accurate to put the question like this: “Buy an alarm is not a question, we’ll buy it. More precisely, let’s run to the next department store yourself, there is a watch department there, pick up what will please you? Agreed?” “Agreed.” But what you missed is the format. Your son has gone out of format, and you missed it. It was necessary to react, for example like this:
Son, but I did not quite understand the phrase “So that you would not come to me?” Is it caring for me or rude? When you said that, were you worried about me or yourself? (Here either to teach to think, or to arrange a concrete showdown: “If you want to quarrel with me, well, let’s quarrel!”) In short, they don’t talk to parents like that, this is disrespect.
Now about the fourth day, when the alarm clock is playing, and the son is sleeping. What happened to you after that? Are you angry, or did you talk to him calmly?
J .: Angry.
N .: I’m never angry. This should be in store for an important event. You tell him: “Yesterday you had a failure, tell me the reasons.” Answer for him.
J .: “Yesterday I went to bed late, there were good reasons, and in general, the first was physical education.”
N .: “Now we want about physical education or about the fact that you did not manage to get up on time?” So that he would not take the conversation aside.
J .: “Why should I get up at the first lesson?”