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Children know everything, but do not. What to do?
This article is addressed to those parents who are not indifferent to their children and are thinking about how to properly educate them. Throughout my parenting experience (I have three…

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Persuasion is a waste of time

Marina, my wife and I, go to the park, and there is a stall from the church where they sell all kinds of prayed buns, etc. The tea is good there, and while we drink it, every minute mothers and children come up and want to feed their child. I am watching this. Have you seen how this happens? In 9 cases out of 10, all mothers with children 4-8 years old have the same scenario.
The same. Check, please!

Mom walks up to the stall with an alarming look, examines the shop window, at this time the child is idly looking anywhere. Now mother carefully turns to the child and asks with an interest: “Will you have this bun? It is tasty, with jam!”. A child looks past mom.
Or, without saying anything, turns to the window and shows his mother something else that he wants.

Or just shakes his head: “I do not want to!”.
One way or another, he does not want what his mother wants from him, and his mother begins to dance and dance around him. The persuasion begins: “Eat, please!”.
This is necessary for mom, and the child does not need it or nothing at all …
This has been happening since 3 years of age. I watch how every mother, torturing herself, skillfully makes an unfortunate capricious victim out of her child. Truly, “feed the poor child” is a great family drama!
Lovely women! You do not see how you spoil the children?


Persuasion is a soft, but persistent impact, where there is an appeal to good feelings. Persuasion acts on peaceful and civilized people, although if this is repeated, it provokes protest as manipulative behavior. Persuasions do not work on those who want to scandal, on the contrary, as a manifestation of weakness and the connection of emotions, they only unleash a scandal.

Women, either by virtue of upbringing, or by virtue of their biological characteristics in problem situations with children (you need to put to bed, you need to get out of bed, it is time to stop computer games, etc.) practice only persuasion and, to the last, avoid formulating a clear and precise requirement. Even if she dictates the text of the demand, only unhappy eyes can be seen in response, followed by a refusal: “No, I can’t say that!” . Once, in the company of young mothers, I asked to play a situation when my daughter did not get up in the morning, and specifically asked to speak with her harder, demanding … Here is a recording of a conversation where one mother played her daughter and the other raised her:

– How hard it is to wake up in the morning, how hard it is! Well, I’d sleep for at least 10 more minutes!
– Lena, rise!
– Well, another 5 minutes! Let’s count to five and I’ll get up.
– Rise! The handle rises, the leg rises.
– It’s so cool here … No legs, I’m already cold … I’ll hide again now, and then I will get up.
– Rise!
– Very cool. I’ll hide again and then get up.
– Lena, get up! I’m leaving, I don’t want to listen. Let’s get up quickly.
“There are a few more minutes.”
– No time.
“I count to ten, then I get up.”

Then I interrupted this altercation: this style of conversation was ineffective, could go on indefinitely, did not give a result. Mom seemed to be trying to speak rudely, she played almost a peasant, and all the same, persuasions and persuasions were heard in her voice. I proposed my option, without persuasion. It sounded like this:
“Lena, will you get up yourself, or will I help you?”
“No, I’ll be packing myself.”
– So, I count to three, and then I will help. It’s just time to get up. Time…
That’s it, the question has been resolved, Lena will rise. But if she thinks that’s all and everything’s cheap, she’s mistaken. In fact, the conversation will continue … What about? Yes, that Lena did not get up herself and even resisted the requirements of her parents. Therefore, another conversation will take place in the evening – this:
– Lena, tell me, what did we have with getting up today?
“I had a very good dream.” So bright, beautiful …
“I’m not asking you this.” You yourself did not get up, and I had to use violence directly to my beloved daughter.
– It’s very difficult, very cold.
“I understand correctly that you are offering me to continue to raise you like that, and will I solve this issue for you?”
– It’s hard for me to say so far. But probably – yes, it will.
– Have to. Did you decide for me? And you are helpless. Have you really decided that you are helpless and decided to rely on daddy’s decision because of this feature? Daughter, are you smart? Do you really need this?
– Yes, I’m smart.
– Clever. Then you have 5 minutes to consult with your mother what to do so that you get up on your own, or after 5 minutes I will tell you about your future fate …

Instead of persuading use persuasive requests. And if the requests do not work out where the person is obliged to hear you, proceed to the power methods of resolving the issue.

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