Children know everything, but do not. What to do?
This article is addressed to those parents who are not indifferent to their children and are thinking about how to properly educate them. Throughout my parenting experience (I have three children, 4, 7 and 9 years old), I have been collecting bit by bit information about education – books, the Internet, and stories of experienced parents.
Gradually, I accumulated a solid baggage of knowledge, techniques and practical experience in interacting with children. Mostly it worked well, but sometimes there were crashes that I could not figure out. In this article I want to talk about one very important discovery that happened to me after attending a training for parents.
I came to the training with a fair amount of skepticism. By that time, I had a feeling that I know about education, if not everything, then quite enough. Behind there were a lot of books read – from the popular “Communicate with a child. How? “J. Hippenreiter to the” Pedagogical poem “A. Makarenko. And, of course, the seven-year experience of raising three children gave me confidence that I can find the answer to any pedagogical question.
At the same time, I had a desire to understand some of the contradictions that I encountered, and bring my knowledge into a certain system.
Contradictions in parenting
For example, I and my children devoted a lot of time to discipline – I came up with all kinds of games, posters, competitions in order to teach them to brush their teeth, make their beds and clean up toys. Each time, starting a new story, I hoped: now I will be interested in them, they will get used to doing these things every day, and then they will do it themselves, without any effort on my part. But time passed, and as soon as I stopped stimulating them with games, everything returned to normal: in just a week, the children forgot how to brush their teeth, forgot to make the bed in time, and toys accumulated in the corners at a new speed.
At some points, it seemed to me that we were just stamping on the spot. Months, years pass, and we are still learning these basic skills! What am I doing wrong?!?
I was lucky that during the training I met an amazing psychologist Marina Konstantinovna Smirnova, who has great knowledge and warmth. I remembered her simple and wise words for a long time: “Your children are perfectly able to do these things, but they do not know how to remind themselves of these matters.”
Indeed, all my games were aimed at the fact that children did not need to remember. The poster hangs in the most prominent place, you can’t pass by it. Mom is always there and will draw attention to the poster: first, remind of business, and then again ask about the implementation. Thus, for a long time, I trained the skill “to do when you were told.” But the skill “remembering what needs to be done” was not affected at all!
After this realization, I slightly transformed my games. First, we switched from small reminders to large ones. Instead of speaking and checking each case, I simply gave the command “Do morning things!” Or “Evening things!”, And the children themselves remembered what they needed to do.
I had to make considerable efforts to allow them to sometimes forget something – the habit of “reminding and controlling everything” was so strong in me. Then I began to encourage those moments when the child himself recalled and did all the necessary things (thus reinforcing the ability to “remember things”).
Honestly, I was surprised that even the youngest three-year-old daughter could easily and happily name all her five cases, bending her fingers on her hand (brushing her teeth, changing into pajamas, neatly folding clothes, reading a book, drinking milk).
Now I can say that one of the most important results of the training for parents for me was the concept of educational goals. Previously, most of my educational procedures were born from the template “so right” or from the desire to make my life easier. Now I look to the future. When I see the ultimate goal of education, it becomes obvious what needs to be done right now.
My goal is not just to instill in the child the habit of putting away toys. I want to instill in him a love of cleanliness. And this means that in my games there will be an emphasis on the pleasure of a cleaned room, and not on threats of punishment. However, I do not want to bring up an aversion to disorder. And this means that we will relate calmly and with humor to the moments of inevitable chaos.
I urge all parents – think about your goals. What qualities do you want to bring up in a child? What skills and habits to instill? Let it become your beacon in the abundance of information about education.
And if you need an inspiring example of high education goals, come to a consultation with M.K. Smirnova. Her wise advice will help resolve any difficulties with children.