Punishment warning: consider “One! Two! Three!”
When a child behaves badly, there is no task to punish him: there is a task to stop his problematic behavior (and in a good way, to attract him to something good, funny and useful). So, if the situation with the child is not yet completely running, then the simplest option is to warn the child that if he doesn’t stop the disgrace, he will be punished in a manner known to him. When the impending punishment is known, and the warning sounds so that you can not confuse it with anything, then the chances of a reasonable solution to the issue are high. Smart children do not want obvious troubles for themselves and stop the disgrace.
When the relationship is normal, you don’t even need to invent anything. From the Internet: “When ugliness flourishes in full force, and the child ignores requests, I say:” Alice, now mom will get angry, and we will swear! Do you really want this? “. Usually it works 2-3 times through 1. It suits me …”
However, sometimes warnings can be issued more seriously, then the child will learn to respond to it more reliably. As a pedagogical device, a warning in the form of “One! Two! Three!” came from Canada. The fact is that Canada has adopted strict laws regarding the upbringing of children: children can not only be beaten and severely punished, but even scolded, because all this is considered disrespect for the personality of the child. Passers-by, neighbors, and even the children themselves can easily bring you to the police, and for breaking the law, the parent will have to pay a serious monetary fine or even spend several days behind bars. And now what do poor parents do when their child is divorced? How to call a child to order when a child cannot be calmed down by any humane methods?
Canadians even specially invented the word to denote a violent state in children – “tantrum”. The child’s tantrum causes a state of powerlessness in the parent, and if he is very worried, then he also falls into a tantrum state. Those. the parent also becomes violent, ceases to control himself, begins to punish the child and break the law … According to studies, the state of “tantrum” is observed in at least 80% of children, that is, almost every parent faces this.
It was necessary to come up with a method of effective punishment without the use of violence, and this method for Canadians was the 1-2-3 method described in Thomas Phelan’s book “1-2-3 Magic. Effective Discipline for children 2-12 ”.
In fact, of course, violence in method 1-2-3 is present. It’s just that humanists consider such violence acceptable, since the actions of the parent with this approach do not degrade the personality of the child.
So how is this done? If a child spoils dangerously, teases, rages, bullies, fights, and so on, messes up, then to stop him,
Take it easy. A warning is more effective when the parent looks calm and confident. No talk, quarrel, showdown. Only an account. Moreover, the less emotion on your face and in your voice, the better.
Say in a strict voice, “I count to three. Time!”.
Wait 5 seconds.
If the ugliness continues: “Two!”.
Wait 5 seconds.
If everything is the same, say: “Three.”
If you count to three, then you should be punished.
What is the punishment?
If you are at home, the most common is the timeout method (contact interruption). You take the child by the hand and take him to his room, removing all electronic entertainment from there. Books and simple games can be left, but the phone, iPads and other joys of life, including friends – all this is lost to the child. If the child obeys you, it’s even easier to put him in a chair next to you, let him sit alone and be a little bored.
If the child does not listen to you at all, does not sit on the chair, leaves the corner and escapes from his room, then his actions must be physically blocked (keep the door or stand in the door, blocking the exit), and crying and screaming must be endured. Actually, crying and crying are not harmful to the health of the child, and the reasonable people around you will support you.
It is more difficult to use this method in a public place, but if not everything is terribly up to date and you have already successfully used this approach at home, then it will help you both on the street and in the supermarket. In the supermarket, as a punishment room, you can use a shopping cart (put a child there), or a public toilet, or a corner of the store. Alternatively, you just leave the supermarket … If you took the child by the hand, then it’s easier to deal with the child, and if you left the supermarket leaving him there, then, of course, you didn’t quite leave, but simply pretended that you’ve gone, and you’re watching what is happening hiddenly.
If the child is bully in a car, again you need to start counting. Punishment: you stop on the side of the road and don’t go anywhere until everyone calms down, or turn around and go home, not for a walk.
If the time-out in your performance does not work in any way, the nearest effective punishment options are deprivation of what they needed.