Interruption in communication with the child: a soothing timeout
Sometimes children do not obey us, and they have to be punished. A timeout is one of the humane options for punishment; in reality, it is interruption of contact with a child for educational purposes. There are many options for a timeout, but usually, when punishing in this style, you leave the child alone for a short period of time, stop communicating with him yourself or deprive him of communication with those with whom he had fun.
Sometimes it sounds like a punishment to a child, sometimes like a help: to give him the opportunity to calm down.
It seems to many that a timeout is necessary to put the child in a corner and so that he does not even turn around! No, it is not. The option “quiet chair” for a normal child is much more understandable and calmer: he is upset – you need to sit quietly on a chair to calm down. At the same time, you can do whatever you want, but you cannot leave the chair.
As many mothers note, the timeout is especially good because while the child is sitting in a “quiet chair”, they themselves come to their senses and calm down. It seems that this method sometimes has a more beneficial effect not on the children, but on the parents themselves …
A timeout is not necessarily a punishment by deprivation, it is in many ways a cessation of reinforcement of behavior, which we assess as undesirable. We must take into account that for a child, even our cries for him are already in a sense a joy, since the child receives attention from us. And if we stop paying attention to him, then often only because of this the child calms down: why, really, to be outrageous if no one is looking at it?
For example, a four-year-old kid shouts in a rage: “I hate you, I hate you!” And pound her mother’s legs with her fists. Instead of continuing to bicker with him, try the opposite: stop paying attention to the child and start doing your own thing: he will not break your bones. You and your child have a break, time out. Usually in a few minutes the rage will be replaced by sniffling and a lost look … Now now turn your attention to the child again, hug him, hold him close and change the subject of the conversation.
A timeout is not only and not so much a punishment as an opportunity for a child to recover and calm down. When a child rages, it is difficult for him to think. So that he begins to think, he needs to be alone and not run. Organize these conditions for the children!
The older sister hit the younger. The younger one cries, and the older one refuses to apologize. Insist? There will be a lot of screaming. Instead, give the eldest daughter a task: “You go to the next room, you need to calm down. When you calm down and are ready to apologize to your sister, you tell me.” Usually after a few minutes the situation changes to a more favorable one.
And once a timeout is a clash of wills: a clash of the will of the parent and the will of the child. Who is stronger?
For example, the child is naughty, refuses to obey the parent. If so, you can tell him: “I will not talk to you, play and communicate while you act like that.” This can result in both an hour and two hours of a strike, but if you show patience and perseverance, the child will nevertheless go, and quietly grumble, change clothes, remove, sit down for lessons … The main thing is for him to understand – if you said , so be it.
What else can a timeout at home look like? For example, you take a child by the hand and take him to his room, removing all electronic entertainment from there. Books and simple games can be left, but the phone, iPads and other joys of life, including friends – all this is lost to the child. If the child obeys you, it’s even easier to put him in a chair next to you, let him sit alone and be a little bored.
There are many options: leave one in the room, put in a corner, put on the step of the stairs, etc. The main thing – not for long (a few minutes) and be sure to explain why. Parents write: “Our child from the kindergarten brought the concept of naughty corner – a corner for naughty people. She naughty and said:“ I’ll go to the corner! ”Well, my husband and I decided to practice. It worked great for us. Now we don’t put it in practice that’s enough to warn about the prospect. Yes, and in the Nanny 911 program they highly recommend time-out – to sit somewhere, even on a sofa or on a chair. They still set a timer: 1 minute for every year of the child, that is, if 2 years – 2 minutes to sit, 8 years – 8 minutes. With a timer, the child understands when to go out, and it is clear that e it will not last forever. ”
Another interesting experience: “My daughter is now telling me how her girlfriends are put in the corner of her mother. And she came up with a punishment for herself.” When I’m naughty, if you get too tired, put me on the closet ”
If the child does not listen to you at all, does not sit on the chair, leaves the corner and escapes from his room, then his actions must be physically blocked (keep the door or stand in the door, blocking the exit), and crying and screaming must be endured. Actually, crying and crying are not harmful to the health of the child, and the reasonable people around you will support you.